The Forbidden Swap

Prelude, how did we get here.

Sarah:

I just could not believe it when Diane steered the conversation to lesbians, she was baiting Billy, my husband. He tends to be anti gay, why had she picked now to start a fight with him. Even at dinner, Diane had been pushing the conversation to the sexual. Now with the four of us just sitting alone in her family room, the sexual tension seemed almost unbearable. It had been that way for me, the moment Billy and I got off the plane, the minute I saw Diane. We’d been skirting around swinging with each other’s husband for a long time now. I had felt sure tonight was the night.

I was ready, I’d been ready for a long time, Billy had grown complacent in our love making, he never really tried very hard, a little petting, if I was lucky a brief moment of oral and then he’d be on top of me. What a lie that is, Billy had never been anything but complacent. It surely hadn’t been his sexual prowess that had convinced me to marry him. Granted he had seemed to try harder when we’d first started dating, and for the first few years of our marriage but alas Billy is a selfish man, selfish men think of only their needs. I could lie and say I didn’t see that before I married him but that would be just so much rubbish, I knew he was selfish, I thought I could change him. Sure I’d had better sex before Billy, but nothing spectacular, I guess I just thought I could change Billy. Ten years and two children later, Billy hasn’t changed, I have.

Change him, is that really what I had thought, or did I marry Billy because I felt he was safe. A good man to be the father of my children. Billy was successful, only out of college a few of years and he had already moved up the cooperate ladder. He is intelligent to, graduated near the top of his class from Harvard, a quality I wanted my children to have. Selfish yes, but we also had fun together, and even more importantly we talked, if only I had realized his treating me as his intellectual equal, was an act. Love, I don’t know maybe I did, I’m not sure I had a concept of love, I know I’d never felt it for the other men I dated.

There was something there, if not love, perhaps I was just ready for marriage, I know I wanted to start a family. Each of our biological clocks run differently, mine told me I wanted a baby. Conventional wisdom, I was very conventional, tells a woman she needs a husband for that. I was dating Billy, he wanted to marry, the two seemed to fit, my wanting a baby, my needing a man, he asked, I accepted.

Diane, Jim, Billy and I had come close to swinging once before, it had happened two week before our move. We’d played strip poker, coming so very close to having each other’s husbands. I’m sure I would have, it was Billy that put a stop to it. Diane had been the instigator that time, just as it had seemed she was going to be this time, what changed, was Diane now getting cold feet. I hardly believed that possible, Diane is not afraid of much when it comes to sex.

Diane, what can I say about her, she’s the person I feel the closets to in the whole wide world, is that enough. She’s the most vivacious person I ever met. She is one of the most beautiful woman I ever been close to, what an understatement that is, ravishing, gorgeous, a goddess. She is so unlike other beautiful women I’ve known, she just isn’t stuck up, sometimes I wonder if she even see herself as other do. Diane is so openly sexual, it’s part of her nature, I’ve met other women this way, but they seem to be acting, they come off as sluts, that isn’t Diane. I suppose there is one other thing worth mentioning about Diane, ok about me, that is the way I feel when I’m with her. My life is pretty much non sexual, I just don’t have sexual feelings often, I used to but I have by necessity driven those feelings deep down to the core of my being. When I’m around Diane, when I talk to her on the phone, when I think of her, that part of me escapes, I become very sexual. Did I mention I get this warm, tingly feeling when I’m near her.

Diane is always teasing me, flirting with me, constantly pushing me to admit I was bisexual. I think, if it had been anyone else doing it I would have been offended, but with Diane I enjoyed it, I looked forward to being with her, her teasing me, coming on to me. Maybe I’d been lying to myself, but up until a year ago, I didn’t feel I could be turned on by another woman. OK, OK that is a lie, I knew I could, deep down in that hidden place, the little room in my mind where I put those desires that scare me.

That little room seemed full lately, thoughts of cheating, thoughts of making love to strangers, thoughts of two men, neither being Billy. Carnal lustful thoughts. It was a wonder that room wasn’t overflowing, ten years, ten long unhappy years with Billy. Not that my life was unhappy, it hadn’t been until six mouths ago, I had my children, I had my friends, I even had, had a rewarding career, that is until Billy moved us all the way across the country in his quest for self fulfillment. Who ever heard of a mid life crises at thirty seven years old, who gave up a good job, good pay, for what, to find himself. For christ sakes, he had children to support, he had a wife, who now was out of a job, to support.

My friends were gone, my career was gone, we hardly ever had money, and I was so lonely. Most of all I missed Diane. I missed her companionship, I missed our talks, I missed crying on her shoulder when my life with Billy seemed unbearable, I missed her warm smile, I missed her flirting, I missed her touch, I missed her kiss.

It was one of Diane’s challenges that finally let my desire out of that little room. As hard as I’ve tried since, I can’t put it back. We’d been to lunch and as always Diane was teasing me, flirting with me, pushing, always pushing me. When I made a very firm statement that no woman, including her, could ever turn me on, she made her challenges. It was really quite ridicules, I was to pick an actress or singer, one I felt was very sensual, very sexual, then fantasize that she was touching me, kissing me.

The actress was the easy part, Nicole Kidman, obvious choice for a straight woman, being she was Tom Cruise’s wife. I tried once but I just couldn’t visualize her kissing and touching me, it just seemed silly. I had completely put it out of my head until one night after Billy and I had gone to bed. We made love and as was usually the case, I ended up on the edge of having an orgasm as Billy finished, rolled over and went to sleep. Most nights I’d just go to sleep frustrated, others I’d masturbate giving myself some release. Tonight was one of those nights.

I don’t know why it happened but just as I started to approach an orgasm Nicole popped into me head. When I though about her lips touching mine, it was as if she really was there, I was looking into her eyes, hearing her breath, the smell of Beautiful filled my nostrils, Diane favorite perfume. That is when the first orgasm hit, most nights that would have been the end of it, it wasn’t. I just kept fantasizing, as I visualized Nicole hand caressing my breast, my hand did so. I just kept getting more and more into my fantasy, but as I got more and more turned on, it was no longer Nicole I was making love to, it was Diane, shortly after that, I went over the edge to one of the best orgasm I’d ever given myself. I didn’t stop there, I just kept going, by the time I was done I’d given myself seven orgasm, but some how it didn’t seem to me that I was giving them to myself, Diane was.

I never mentioned a word of this to Diane, I tried to put it out of my mind, I tried to force it back into my little room. All good and well but it didn’t stop there, I kept having fantasies about Diane. I didn’t seem to have a lot of control over them either, they were just as likely to overcome me while I was riding home in the train after work, as they were in my bed after Billy had gone to sleep. The few times I did make love to Billy, I’d have them if not during, always after.

I admit to being attracted to Jim, Diane’s husband, also, he’s a hunk. I was even more attracted to him because Diane did not hide anything, her sex life was wonderful, Jim had a million faults, enough of them that I was sure it wouldn’t be long before Diane left him, but love making was a skill he had mastered. If anything that attraction grew the night we played strip poker. It was obvious the minute Jim took his pants off that he was better endowed than Billy was, but his penis didn’t appear that much bigger. It’s was only after Diane put some music on and started to dance with Billy, that I found out just how much bigger Jim is. I’m not a very bold person, I waited for Jim to take my hand and start to dance, but I knew where this was heading and I was in for the ride.

It was while we were dancing that it became apparent that Jim was not just better endowed then Billy, he was a lot better endowed. As his penis hardened against my belly it seemed unbelievable. I couldn’t help reaching down and holding him, his penis felt so thick in my hand, I’d never felt anything like it before. I had been with a few men before Billy, but none of them were like Jim, none of them big. Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t obsessed, I had wondered before what it would be like with a man that is big, I had watched a few porno movies with Billy, those men are big. But before that night, penis size was not something I thought about much. After that night, I couldn’t help be a little obsessed with Jim’s penis, I wanted him, I wanted to know what it would feel like having him inside of me.

Diane:

I couldn’t help but notice the change in Sarah, I became aware of that about a year ago, but that change was even more apparent now after we’d been apart so long. My usual flirting seemed to embarrass her more then it ever had, she’d blush more often, and then break eye contract. Then when she didn’t think I was looking, she study me, looking up and down my body.

The biggest change seemed to be in our kiss, the most apparent one being after she got off the plane, she wasn’t hesitate, and that kiss lingered, it wasn’t that same old quick smack. Sarah also held my hand as we walked to the car, we’d done that before but I was always me taking her hand, this time she took my hand. I pushed the change out of my mind, believing it was just wishful thinking, making love to Sarah was just one of my dreams, it wasn’t going to happen. Even knowing this I just couldn’t let it go. I don’t really understand myself, why? I had other girl friends. Jim didn’t mind at all, the whole idea of me being with other woman turned him on.

Jim even wanted me to bring one of them into our relationship, I suppose most men fantasize about having a threesome with two women. I really didn’t object to that, it’s just that the only women I’d ever had sex with were lesbians, they just weren’t interested in Jim. My first encounter with another woman, happened because of Jim’s desire for a threesome. At least that would be his perspective, and maybe he would be right, I’m not sure I would have taken that step without his encouragement. To make a long story short, after a night of clubbing and drinking, Jim and I ended up in a lesbian bar. I’d like to play innocent in all of this but I’m the one who suggested that club, Jim had no idea it was a place lesbians went.

Anyway after Jim realized what kind of club it was, he talked me into coming on to a few of the women, in hopes of finding a threesome partner. I didn’t have much success, either they were with someone or they weren’t interested in men, maybe I didn’t try very hard, none of the women really interested me. Finally just before I was ready to tell Jim I wanted to leave, I was asked to dance. I’d seen her the minute we’d walked it the club, she was very petite, her facial features very delicate, very refined looking, her lips full and succulent, glamorous, perhaps describes her looks the best. Her hair, falling to just below her shoulders, shimmered with an array of colors from reddish brown to almost blonde. Her eyes large and expressive, the deepest brown I’d very seen. She surely had interested me when I first laid my eyes on her but she’d been sitting at a table with another woman, they seemed connected, so I’d struck her off my list as a potential partner. After two more dances she asked me if I wanted to go to her place, I knew I wanted to, I also knew I didn’t want Jim involved. I didn’t ask Jim if I could go, I just walked over to our table, picked up my purse, winked at Jim, than said “I’ll see you in the morning, lover.” Beth was her name, I still see her every so often.

I don’t really know why I did it but I baited Billy, Sarah’s husband, into a fight. He was so homophobic, I couldn’t help wonder if there was something more to his feelings. Most men I know, tend to be that way about gay men, my theory is it scares them that they may find sex with another man enjoyable. Those same men find it fascinating to think about two women making love. Billy was the only man I knew who found bisexual women to be objectionable. I did hide my being so from him, at least for the most part, I couldn’t help openly flirting with Sarah. It amazed me that Billy never put two and two together, but then he’s not the brightest boy on the block, at least not when it comes to people.

When we first started seeing Sarah and Billy, I was thinking of Sarah as a candidate for a threesome. I’m sure at first my flirting was just a way of testing the waters. But it didn’t take long before I fell for Sarah, yes in love, but a friendship type of love. OK not exactly just friendship, it was sexual too. I don’t know what it is about Sarah but she just fascinates me, there is no one on this earth I’d rather spend time with. I did have strong feeling for her, I wanted to make love to her, but I could never have forced myself on her, the friendship was just to perfect. Of course that didn’t stop me from pushing her a little, nothing wrong with that. How much better could a relationship be, than one where best friends feel free enough to make love to each other.

Why I even feel this way about Sarah, or better yet the question should be how can I even feel this way? For that matter how can we even be friends? Sarah and I were so different, I hate to use the word prudish, she wasn’t really, maybe conventional is a better word to use. She saw things in black and white, right versus wrong. One man, one woman, and I don’t think the idea of one woman, one woman had even crossed her mind before we’d met. Yes conventional would have been what would have fit Sarah five years ago when we met. One man, two children, a boy and a girl, and the house in the country with a white picket fence. At least that is the first impression she gives, but there was this mischievousness about her that she kept hidden. Maybe she even hid that from herself.

Even from the very start the four of us had more then just a friendship, there was always a physical attraction. I’m not sure how to explain this, it is similar to being sexually attracted to another person, but as a couple. It always seemed to me that if we were going to swing it would be with Sarah and Billy. There existed a physical bond between the four of us, a longing of sorts. It was amazing to me we hadn’t already had sex with each others husbands, we’d been close a number of times. I know both Jim and Billy sensed it early on, Jim for sure, we had talked about it. Billy at least by his actions, he was always coming on to me. I don’t think Sarah understood this, not until later, but she was always receptive to Jim’s flirtations.

Billy was the only obstacle as I saw it, and he hadn’t been up until that night when we’d played strip poker. Billy is a voyeur, I’m not even sure he knows he is, but that night as we all danced, Billy couldn’t tear his eyes away from Sarah and Jim, and he only started getting hard after Jim pulled Sarah close to him, exploring her body with his hands. He was mesmerized by the site of his naked wife being held by another man. That was until Sarah put her fingers around Jim’s cock, forcing a loud somewhat shocked, but pleasurable moan from her lips. It wasn’t actually her doing so that changed things, Billy’s cock surely took a jump when that happened. It was what I said that changed him, I didn’t mean to say what I did, it was a thought, I didn’t intend to say it out loud, but I did. “Sarah well never look at a cock the same way after tonight.”

It was how it had been for me that first time with Jim. I’m sure it would be for any woman, after Jim, intercourse with other men would always be just so, so. Jim is so much bigger then any man I’d ever been with, that is until Leroy. The first night we made love I was so apprehensive, and it did hurt a little at first but it also felt so damned good. After a while it was just pure pleasure. But it was more then that, Jim had supreme control, again I’d never been with any man who could last as long as Jim could, or recover a quickly as he did. It wasn’t a problem, one man I had been with had a hard time cuming during intercourse. This wasn’t the case with Jim, he could do it fast and quick, sometimes that is what is appropriate. Like the time we did it in the elevator, he had to be fast and quick. Jim just had marvelous control, and he had this sense about him, he seemed to judge my needs flawlessly, slow and easy when I needed and wanted that, fast and hard when that was my need. He knew when I wanted more or if I was ready to stop, he’d time his ejaculations to my needs. He never seemed to care if I climaxed at the same time he did, which allowed me the freedom to neither force or hold back an orgasm. I almost always have more then one climax. At times it produces such a warm, loving feeling, being fucked slow and easy as your coming down from an orgasm. Not that love played to much of a role in our relationship lately, but I did feel that during sex with Jim, maybe that is why we were still together.

Well, my comment put an end to the fun and games for that night. Billy let go of me, pulled Sarah away from Jim and started dancing with her. He didn’t leave her side after that, finally knowing nothing more was going to happen we all got dressed, Sarah did so very reluctantly.

The truth is I’ve never really liked Billy, maybe a bit at first, but I didn’t know him then. He’s overbearing and arrogant. He’s also very racist and homophobic, two traits I hate in any person. Women and men who chose to love a person of their own gender are the scum of the world in Billy’s mind, of course you had to add blacks to that scum of the earth category. Nothing but dykes, faggots and niggers.

Of course over time I got to know Sarah well, and knowing Sarah meant I knew Billy, the most interment details about Billy. Things like he isn’t much of a lover. He is always premature. I knew he didn’t have much of a penis, Sarah had reveled that fact one night when we were at a male strip club. The night we’d played strip poker I’d felt it, I’d seen it, his penis was small surely below average, and compared to Jim, it looked and felt pitiful.

The truth was I disliked Billy, I disliked the way he treated Sarah, I disliked how he seemed to think Sarah should be his servant. I hated his condescending attitude to all of us, but I hated most of all that he acted that way to Sarah, his wife, and supposed lover. Under normal circumstances I wouldn’t have given him the time of day. But Billy was married to Sarah, he made love to Sarah. My focus was on Sarah, that made Billy acceptable as a partner. His penis had been in her mouth, been inside her vagina, his tongue had tasted her sweet nectar. I felt the closest I was ever going to get to making love to Sarah was making love to Billy. Adding up the allure I felt for Sarah, and the fact that Billy would be a new conquest, it made him at least some what of an acceptable partner. Yes I said new conquest, it is exciting to be with someone other then your husband. Call me a slut but I cheat.

Jim approved of the women in my life, he didn’t know about the men, aside from the one time we’d done a threesome with his best friend, Leroy. That of course is why, I at first looked at Sarah as a potential threesome partner. I had promised Jim I’d find a woman threesome partner in return for my threesome. I don’t normally make bargains but I wanted Leroy, aside from the fact that Leroy is handsome and has a wonderful personality, he’s also black. I’d never been with a black man before, the idea intrigued me. Leroy sure turned out to be a good choice, he was Jim’s equal in most respects, a little thicker for that matter, didn’t last as long but way better then most men, and he was far superior in the art of oral sex, being almost as good as the women I’d been with.

Other then intercourse, I’d have to rate Leroy as the better lover, he kissed better, he made love slower and as I said his oral skill was wonderful. If I would have to pick one of them over the other, I’d be hard pressed to do so, if Leroy was a woman, he’d win hands down, but lets face it making love to a man is still penis centered, Jim had the upper hand there. I could give a lecture on how needs are based on the gender your with, but don’t worry, I’m not about to.

I’d tried hard all night to steer our conversation to a sexual nature, I’d found it very easy. I’m sure we all had been anticipating this night for a long time, even Billy, he just had to get over come his penis envy. As things went on that night the sexual tension became so thick that you could have cut it with a knife. Games had worked before so I made a comment or two about livening up the night with a game. When Jim suggested strip poker, I commented we’d played that before, how about truth or dare. I don’t know how many different games every one came up with but not one of them suited Billy.

Life is a strange thing, realizations come at odd times, I knew I didn’t really want to make love to Billy, I’d fooled myself into believing that only because of Sarah. I wanted Sarah, it was that simple, if I couldn’t have her at least I could watch her make love, see her in the throws of passion. But that was before, something had changed somehow I knew Sarah was now at least willing to consider making love to me. She had seemed more receptive to my advances lately, it was now or never in my mind. This brilliant idea came to my mind, goat Billy into denying that two women kissing and touching would turn him on. Use that denial to at least try and get Sarah to help me prove him wrong. After he finally denied that it would several times, I called him a liar and said I’d prove him one.

The Act, acceptance.

Sarah:

I felt sure that Diane had pushed us to a point that soon something would happen. I was some what apprehensive. After that night of strip poker, I had tried to drive the thoughts of making love to Jim out of my mind. I had tried to convince myself the whole idea of swinging was wrong, without much success. I tried to convince myself that I just couldn’t cheat, but swinging in my mind wasn’t cheating. I wasn’t even sure that my having sex outside of my marriage could be called cheating, didn’t you have to be in love to cheat, at least have some kind of a relationship. Billy and my relationship amounted to sharing the same house. Raising our two children, not that Billy took much interest in doing so. I would have done anything to have been in a loving relationship, one where cheating would really feel like cheating.

Four or five years ago I could have stopped myself, believed a lie, but Diane has influenced my thinking. I wasn’t the same person, I was beginning to see myself in a new light, seeing myself as not only a woman but as a sexual being. I was tired of having night after night of frustration. I was tired of living with a male chauvinist who was only concerned with his own needs, his own wants, his own sexual pleasure.

I was already as turned on as I had been that other night, maybe the anticipation of what I hoped would soon be unfolding. I’m sure my being turned on, also had to do with a new attraction I had for Diane, well at least finally admitting I was attracted to her. The time before I’m sure I felt it then too, but this time I was painfully aware of her. I also felt a desire to be like her, to see myself in the same light she saw herself, as a liberated woman. Maybe not quite as sexually liberated, I could never see myself coming on as boldly as she did at times. I didn’t think I could do some of the things she did. At times she could be relentless in her pursuit of a man or woman who interested her, she didn’t hide this from anyone but Jim. Why she hide it from him, I’ll never know, there just wasn’t any love left in their relationship.

As she told Billy, she’d prove he’d get hard watching two women making love, she winked at me. She had this wickedly naughty look in her eyes as she approached the sofa I was sitting in. Her walk was sultry, her hands running up and down her body in a very seductive way. As she stood in front of me, she slowly ran her hands up, over her breasts, then back down her body to the hem of her dress. Moving her hands back and forth she gradually raised her dress reveling her smooth creamy thighs. It was so seductive, I’d seen Diane naked before, but this was different, or maybe I was different, watching her revel her legs in this way was so sensual, so sexually exciting. I was lost, I wanted to see more. As her hem passed the junction of her thighs, I couldn’t take my eyes off her neatly trimmed blonde curls.

Diane:

I couldn’t believe what I was seeing in Sarah’s eyes, lust. Her face was flushed and her breathing had quickened. I had hoped for that but I didn’t think it possible, I had expected the only lustful reactions, besides my own, would be those of Billy and Jim. I was so wet it was a wonder my juices weren’t dripping down my legs. I took Sarah’s hand intending to place it between my legs, I wanted her touch so badly, but deciding at the last moment that I may be moving to fast, I didn’t want to scare her.

Instead, I placed one knee on each side of her legs, kneeling, I slowly eased myself down on her legs. The feel of her nylon covered legs against my bare vulva, was unbelievable. Then I cupped her face in my hands and gently kissed her lips. She didn’t break my kiss, instead she slightly parting her lips.

Sarah:

I was so sure when Diane took my hand she was going to force me to touch, I wanted her to, I wanted to touch her, feel her wetness, pleasure her in the way I love to be pleasured. I was lost in my passions, not caring that both of our husbands were watching. Actually not even aware of their presence, they were so unimportant, so irrelevant, at this moments in time.

As Diane kissed me, her hips were moving in a rhythmic action, rubbing her vulva up and down my thigh. The heat of her vulva against my now dampened nylon was so erotic. I wanted direct contact, I wanted to feel her nakedness against my own. As Diane continued to kiss me I pushed as much of my thigh high down my leg as I could. She was so wet and it felt so good as my leg became saturated with her wetness.

I couldn’t help parting my lips, begging for her tongue to invade my mouth. Diane ran her tongue around my lips, across my teeth, flicking just inside my mouth, it’s then I realized she was waiting for me to touch her tongue. Meeting her half way, assuring her I was giving way, to not only her passions, but my own. When I did our lips parted but our tongues danced together, our mouth open, lips hungry for the next touch.

I couldn’t get enough of her when we again kissed, my tongue probed the inside of her mouth, I became the aggressor. It was almost involuntary when my hands went to the button on the front of Diane’s dress, I couldn’t get it open, my hands were trembling to bad. Diane leaned back, looked at me laughingly, as she undid one button after another.

After slipping her arms from her now open dress, she pulled me to my feet and slowly started to undress me. First my blouse, kissing every exposed bit of flesh as she did so. Then reaching around me she undid my bra, pulling it from my arms. I was on fire, her lips on my neck, our breasts rubbing against each other’s. One of Diane’s hand found my breast, caressing, massaging it, her fingers flicking and gentle pinching my nibble.

New Beginnings, the heart can’t be denied forever.

Sarah:

I was filled with a craving, yes there was lust, a very carnal lust but it was more then that, a need, a desire for intimacy, a need to be loved. It had always been so, I knew it from the start, I just couldn’t admit it. I wanted, needed more then sex, more then making love. I needed Diane, I wanted Diane to love me. I finally knew what love was, I’d never felt it before I’d met her. I was finally in love.

Placing my hands on both sides of Diane’s face I pulled her to me, our lips touched, the words I whispered on her lips echoed in my ears, words that I knew would change my life forever.

“Diane, I Love You.”

Diane:

Hearing Sarah telling me she loved me was not anything I had even contemplated. A love of friends, yes, even that love shared between two people during the throws of passion, yes. But she wasn’t declaring that type of love. I saw it in her eyes, felt it on her lips, this wasn’t driven by passion, her words I Love You, were spoken from her heart. They weren’t spoken lightly, I could not ignore their implication, I Love You to the exclusion of anyone else, say it back to me and we are bonded, we are one.

Was this what I wanted, could I, dare I, declare my unending love to another woman. Was that what I’d been feeling all this time or was it a lust and a need for a physical bond with Sarah. Was I ready to commit to a relationship, something long term, something exclusive. I knew that if I committed to Sarah, she’d accept no less then total commitment, total exclusivity, it was no longer that way with her and Billy. It had been, even without love she had remained faithful for so long, that is Sarah. Could I even do that, could I be totally faithful to someone, I hadn’t been, I didn’t want to be, at least I hadn’t until now.

Her eyes were probing mine, waiting for a reply. I was emotionally torn between anger and joy. Joy at hearing her say she loved me, anger because those three little words complicated everything. Whatever I said, whatever I did wouldn’t effect just this moment, it would effect all the moments to come. I wanted to hide, I wanted to move back in time, to a few minutes before. Back to the lust, back to the passion, back to a point where I didn’t have to think. I didn’t want the emotions I was feeling, I didn’t know how to deal with them. Just feeling them scared me.

What to do, what to say, my mind didn’t have the answers. What I did was just gave up thinking about it, I let my heart speak, surely my mind couldn’t. Isn’t that the part of you that should do your speaking when it’s a matter of love. My heart knew, my heart had always know, this was right for me, that emptiness, that longing was gone, an emptiness Jim had never filled, an emptiness no man could ever fill. My heart knew, I only needed to come to terms with what my heart was telling me, be who I really am, love whom I can. It knew and now I know, I am a lesbian, I need a woman to complete me, and that woman is Sarah. I could and I would be faithful to her. We were meant to be in each others arm, we were meant to share a life together, I truly had found my soul mate.

“Sarah, I Love You!”